If it walks like a duck . . .

Well, the long awaited verdict is in. Yesterday, the Supreme Court in the State of New Jersey ruled that GLBT people in New Jersey can be married, but we just can’t call it that.

Following the example of the State of VT, the verdict of NJ Supremes is to call it a “civil union.”

I know. It was a “decision” not a verdict. Never mind. I’m still going to call it a verdict because it feels more like a judgment of guilt than a logical, rational decision about civil rights.

That guilt, I suppose, would be “guilt by association” – the association of two people of the same gender who form families with each other, and with each other’s families, and sometimes (more and more these days) with children they have borne or adopted or welcomed into their homes and hearts through foster care.

I don’t get it.

If it sounds like a duck and walks like a duck and looks like a duck, it’s a duck. Right?

Well, friends, that may be true for ducks but it’s not to be so for the solemn and holy relationship between two people of the same sex. It may look like marriage, and have all the same legal rights of marriage, and even sound like a marriage when you attend the ceremony, but somehow, it’s not marriage, it’s a ‘civil union.’

I suppose this logic follows that old gentile Southern saying, “Well, you don’t want to scare the horses.”

Don’t get me wrong. I’m happy for the progress. The activists at Garden State Equality (GSE) are not going to be happy with me for saying this, but at least it’s a step forward from ‘domestic partnership,’ which my ‘partner’ and I are pleased to have. Progress is still progress.

Steve Goldstein over at GSE argues that this is not a helpful position for a community leader to take. He writes, “It's not heaven, it's not hell, it's purgatory,” adding that, “there is a problem with telling anyone, whether your family, friends or even journalists, that the decision is a victory: It will hurt our efforts to win marriage equality in the next 180 days.”

Goldstein concludes, “The bottom line is this: Marriage is the only currency of commitment the real world universally accepts. Anything short of marriage equality deprives LGBTI families of the equal protection they so desperately need. Contraptions short of marriage, like civil unions and domestic partnerships, do not provide that protection, as we've learned through the New Jersey experience. Thus we do not have a win yet.”

People have been asking us if we’ll have a ‘civil union’ now and hope that it will be ‘grandmothered’ as a marriage. My response has been that after thirty years, I’m holding out for the diamond engagement ring. If Ms. Conroy is smart, she’ll do the same thing.

The interesting thing is what this all does in the church. It’s classic irony. In the Diocese of Newark, we have no “official” diocesan policy about blessing same sex relationships. Neither do we have an “official” liturgy.

All that being said, clergy and bishops in this diocese have been performing blessings for more than 25 years. One clergy person has even taken to naming – and recording both same sex blessings and heterosexual marriage in church records – as “Sacramental Marriage.” (I know. I know. Don’t get me started.)

Here’s the real irony: The canons of the church are very, very clear that the definition of marriage is between one man and one woman. So, while clergy can preside at a blessing of same sex couples, we can’t preside at their marriage.

You just can’t make this stuff up.

The question, however, remains: Can we preside at the Civil Union of Same Sex Couples? Tune in tomorrow folks, for the next episode of “As the Church turns . . ”(Cue dramatic musak)

The bottom line for me is this: it’s not a step backward. The Supremes, thank God, didn’t say ‘no.’ They could have. But, in that silly legal game of “Simon Says,” they said,

“The Supremes say, ‘Take another baby step forward.’”

The thing about “bottom lines,” however, is that when you reach it, you often find that it has moved. Here’s what I mean by that: I don’t mean to sound ungrateful, but you know, I’m really tired of taking baby steps to the full realization of what the Constitution guarantees every citizen of these United States of America – and, that would include me.

I’m weary of having to justify the fullness of my participation in the human enterprise – to have a family, to love, to enjoy “life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.”

I’m fed up with the second class status assigned to my first rate family.

In many ways, Steve Goldstein is absolutely right: We have not yet won the fight.

It’s times like these when I am encouraged by the teachings of community organizer and founder of the Industrial Areas Foundation (IAF), Saul Alinsky. He said:

“Power is not only what you have, it’s what the target thinks you have.”

And: “Make the target live up to its own book of rules.” If the rule is that every letter or E-mail gets a reply, send thousands.”

And, “Keep the pressure on. Never let up.”

So, go over to Garden State Equality and sign this petition

http://eqfed.org/campaign/Marriage_Bill_Petition?rk=jdSFLyS1BXUvW .

They will automatically send a copy to the appropriate legislators.

Do it NOW. Go ahead. Go on. Now. Before you forget.

And, if you’ve got a few shekels, send the good folks at GSE a few.

Justice is expensive.

When you reach your bottom line, you come to understand just what a precious commodity justice really is.