I bought Jesus at an Auction and slept with him last night: A Clergy Retreat Update

Last night was more fun than was absolutely necessary.


We had dinner together and then reconvened upstairs for the Talent Show/Auction segment of the evening's festivities. I must admit, I went only half-heartedly. I mean, clergy? In a Talent Show? I had visions of really bad guitar playing accompanying a Camp Song sing-a-long.

Then again, in the Diocese of Newark, "camp song" means something entirely different.

So, I went.

However, our clergy sister Megan did eat her vegetables, which is documented evidence of something akin to a miracle. I'll be writing the authorization letter to the Vatican later on this week.

The Auction didn't hold much more promise. We had all been encouraged to donate our 'Christian tchotchke' - some of which was part of the silent auction at dinner, and the others, like the Bust of Jesus above, were auctioned off before the Talent Show.

I'm still not over the fact that my clergy sister Stephanie outbid me on the plastic tote bag with crosses all over it. It came with a small purse attached - just right for carrying a Home Communion kit. It was perfect! Communion wafers could easily be stored in the small attached purse. And, it was water resistant. I mean, really! They just don't make things like that anymore.

Deep sigh. Steph said I could come and visit it once in a while. Maybe I'll have another chance at it next year.

I did have my eye on the Jesus Bust all through dinner. I don't know why. I just couldn't stop looking at Him. There was something about His eyes. So sad. Pathetic, really, especially with that 'holly and ivy' crown of thorns.

Some of the clergy boys had kept Him company for a while, but, beer-drinking-boys being clergy boys, they left Him there, all alone, with empty beer bottles.

I couldn't stand it one minute longer. I, like Veronica, went to wipe the tears from His eyes. He was crying blood, you know. He even had this annoying yellow goober near His nose. I tried to tell Him all about the Resurrection, but He just seemed to be stuck in a permanent Good Friday kinda funk.

Megan even left her vegetables and had a little "sit-down-come-to-Jesus" chat with Him, but alas, to no avail. As you can see, even she started to get a case of the Good Friday kinda funk.

I knew, right then and there, that I had to have Him. Because I love Him, I love Him, I love Him, and where He goes I'll follow, I'll follow . . .

Erm . . . Sorry. That was part of the Talent Show. I'm getting ahead of myself.

The Bishop and his staff opened the program by singing a rousing and inspiring rendition of "There's a hole in the budget, dear bishop, dear bishop."

The props were a bit lame, but well . . . there's a hole in the budget.

I don't know about anybody else, but I know I went home with much more confidence about our Stewardship Program at St. Paul's.

However, the Programmatic "Reese's Pieces" (pardon my French), came when a group that called themselves 'The Jersey Girls' took the floor with a choreographed rendition of The Jersey Boy's "Big Girls Don't Cry"

They absolutely ROCKED DA HOUSE! Which is why the picture is a bit blurry. Those girls can really shake a tail feather, if you know what I mean!

Ah, me of little faith! I had no idea what a talented group of lip-syncing clergy we have in this diocese! See what I mean about 'camp songs'?

Well, once you are on the slippery slope of "Clergy Talent", there's no where else to go but further down.

The Auction was an unmitigated hoot 'n a half. The Jesus Bust was up first and, after some sluggish bidding, I got him for $35.

I know, right? You can't get that on E-Bay. No way, no how!

I did miss out on one of my clergy brother's generous offering of himself to come into your home and read you a Bed Time Story. I started the bidding at fifty-five cents, but was amazed that someone actually paid $50 for it.

I also missed out on dinner for four in one of the finer rectories in the diocese, which included being serenaded by one of our clergy brothers with a very fine voice. That went for $200.

When the final tally came in, we had raised close to $2,000 for the Millennium Development Goals. We also raised the roof. I don't think that Resort will ever be the same (Thanks be to God!).

But I, I came home with Jesus. Brought Him right up to my room and tucked Him into the twin bed next to mine. Did you know that He snores? I didn't either. Loud. REALLY loud. And, he sleeps with his eyes open. I must admit, that creeped me out.

But He's mine now. All mine.

I love Him, I love Him, I love Him, and where He goes I'll follow, I'll follow, I'll follow, , , , , Oh, wait. You, too, can sing (or lip-sync) along with the pro's.