Seven days left before Christmas! You haven't finished your Christmas Shopping. You have several people on your list who have everything.
What to do? What to do? Whatever to do?
Here at Telling-Secrets, we aim to help you reduce the stress of holiday shopping - especially for that person who has everything.
Apparently, these are actual items one can purchase through an on-line catalogue.
BANANA GUARD - Protect Your Banana!
Are you fed up with bringing bananas to work or school only to find them bruised and squashed? Banana Guard allows you to safely transport and store individual bananas letting you enjoy perfect bananas any time, anywhere.
LOCK-CUP
Lock Cup - Anti-Theft Coffee Cup. Are you tired of others stealing your coffee cup? Well now there's a solution. The Lock - Cup has a hole which prevents most people from using it. Only the owner of the cup can use his/hers shaped key to close the hole.
TRANSPARENT TOASTER
You love toast, but you always burn it? Than, this invention us for you. This transparent toaster allows you to see the bread while it is toasting so you just have to take it out when the colour is right. This idea is based on a transparent heating glass technology.
DAY CLOCK
What day is today? You don't know? Then you need a Day Clock. It's uniquely designed to keep track of weekly events like your golf day, card night, movie night, and so much more. It's ideal for vacations and cruises when it's easy to lose track of the day.
TOILET SEAT LIFTER
'Who left the Toilet Seat up?' The Peace Maker will end the battle of the toilet seat. Merely step on the pedal to activate the lifting mechanism. When finished, remove your foot from the pedal and the seat gently comes to a rest where it started.
ILLUMINATING CAR SLIPPERS
Do you get up at night to drink water, go to the toilet.... Do you wish you could see in the dark? Remarkably bright LED lights are triggered by your footsteps and light up the floor 30 feet in front of you; ultra-soft plush style are extra comfortable and cozy warm. (Now I would clarify this as a necessity!)
'THE THING' - INFANT PILLOW
The Zaky is an ergonomic infant pillow designed by a mum to mimic the size, weight, touch, and feel of her hand and forearm to help her baby with comfort, support, protection, and development.. The Zaky can help calm your baby and help your baby sleep better through the night.
WHEEL-MOVING BENCH
Whether you want to sit on the sun or in the shade, near the river or under the tree... Now you have your movable bench, to sit wherever you like.
And, last but not least . . .
I found a bug in the last e-mail you sent.................
Here - you can have it back.
Now, if these didn't inspire at least one or two chuckles, forget it (I'm especially partial to the automatic toilet seat lifter, for when our son and son-in-law comes to visit).
If you can't laugh, the person who has everything has more than you'll ever have.
There's an unwritten rule in the cosmos: You can't give away what you don't have.
Perhaps the one thing you can give to the person who has everything is to share yourself and a good laugh.
Perhaps it's the one thing the person who has everything really needs: Not presents, but presence. Your presence. And, the gift of laughter.
And, if you can't laugh, even through the 'holiday stress', you can't really enjoy the spirit of Christmas anyway - because . . . .
Everything is precious.
Everything is simple.
Everything is sacred.
Ooooh, oooh, someone can buy me the day clock. It seems I never am quite sure what day it is and it's an almost perfect match to the regulator clock hanging in my breakfast nook.
ReplyDeleteAnd don't get me started on the whole toilet seat thing. Do women approach the toilet backwards?
Dear Lord, I beseech thee to protect me against the storm that is about to come crashing down on my head. Amen.
lol
No, women don't approach the seat "backwards" - we do it the right way. :~)
ReplyDeleteHowever, there are those women who do not like to sit on public toilet seats, so they squat high above it, leading some women to leave this graffiti on the wall: "If you sprinkle when you tinkle, please be neat and wipe the seat."
Some women would be helped by the "Automatic Toilet Seat Lifter," too.
This is a repeat of a comment that I made at MP's, but it is apropos here -
ReplyDeleteI live in an all guy household, the seat is always up.
Here in Mexico, as probably in many developing nations, most public restrooms have no seat, just cold ceramic. It is the same in many poor homes as well. Thinking that this is the norm, many country boys who move to the city are at a loss about toilet seats.
I always found the seat down and wet after one friend would visit. It is an all guy household, so no one closes the door for Number One. One day when I heard the stream I went into the bathroom to see what was with the seat. It was down and he was peeing. I asked why he was putting the seat down to pee. He innocently explained that he thought that the seat was a cover to keep the ceramic clean during Number One, for when folks needed to sit on it for Number Two!
My wonderfully sweet friend is now enlightened about toilet seats, but this incident will always be an inside joke whenever we need to keep him humble.
Oh, Dahveed, I fear this conversation has gone . . . well . . . right down the toilet.
ReplyDeleteThere is just nothing--nothing--I can say about the "banana guard" that won't be R-rated. So I will just shut up!
ReplyDeleteThanks Dah-veed, that was very....enlightening? When we lived in Indonesia, where there are no toilets, just holes in the ground, you would have to check for footprints on the seats of western style toilets. It's all a matter of perspective. However, this doesn't mean you western men can leave the seat up!
ReplyDeleteBack on topic, "The Thing" kind of creeps me out.
Now, people wonder why i read blogs.
ReplyDeleteThis would be one of them.
I haven't had the giggles like this in ... weeks.
Thank you all.
BTW - Wes (my partner) and I are doing the Nothing for Christmas this year. This is the least stressful season I have ever been through.
Kirke - I can't tell you how many have written to me 'off line' to tell me the same thing about the 'Banana Guard'.
ReplyDeleteSara - "The Thing" is weird beyond description. I wouldn't want one near my baby or grand baby or anyone's baby or grand baby.
Friar John - you are a stronger man than I am, Gunga Din.
Um, on the Banana Guard -- yeah...
ReplyDeleteWe're doing "minimal Christmas" here.
Same here, Jane R. Same lots of places, I'm hearing.
ReplyDeleteHowever, I might be tempted by the Automatic Toilet Seat Lifter.
Trust me Madre Lizabet, if that is the best that the toilet seat lifter can do in the foto, you are wasting your money.
ReplyDeleteThat is too little space for even those guys with the best of aims to get it right all of the time and not enough for the average Joe (the plumber) anytime.
Well, Dahveed, when you're right, you're right. What else can I say - that won't flush this discussion any further don't the privy?
ReplyDeleteUh, trying to help you all find a respectable level of discourse... I do rather like the see-through toaster.
ReplyDelete