Creative Puns for Educated Minds

1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was --
--Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, --
--but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .

3. She was only a whisky maker, --
--but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class --
--because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder --
--and got a little behind in his work.

6. No matter how much you push the envelope, --
--it'll still be stationery.

7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road --
--and was cited for littering.

8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France --
--would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

9. Two silk worms had a race. --
--They ended up in a tie.

10. Time flies like an arrow. --
--Fruit flies like a banana.

11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. --
--The police are looking into it.

12. Atheism --
--is a non-prophet organization.

13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. --
--One hat said to the other, 'You stay here, I'll go on a head.'

14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger.--
-- Then, it hit me.

15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said, --
--'Keep off the Grass.'

16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital.--
-- His grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, 'No change yet.'

17. A chicken crossing the road --
--is poultry in motion.

18. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison --
--was a small medium at large.

19. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray --
--is now a seasoned veteran.

20. A backward poet --
--writes inverse.

21. In democracy, it's your vote that counts. --
--In feudalism, it's your count that votes.

22. When cannibals ate a missionary, --
--they got a taste of religion.

23. Don't join dangerous cults: --
--Practice safe sects !

(Hat tip to Doug.)