The Courage to Live with Uncertainty

Easter II - April 19, 2020

Livestreamed on Facebook Live

In the church, there are two things more certain even than death and taxes.

The first Sunday after the Feast of the Incarnation – Christmas – the gospel appointed for the day will always be from the first Chapter of John: “In the beginning was the Word and the Word was with God and the Word was God.”

And the second certainty is like unto it: The first Sunday after Feast of the Resurrection – Easter – the gospel appointed for the day will always be about the disciple Thomas (John20:19-31).

I seriously doubt that the number of sermons that have been preached about “Doubting Thomas” aren’t so many that, like the stars in the sky, they could be properly numbered.

I don’t know about you, but for most of my childhood, I never heard a sermon that didn’t scold Thomas in some way for his insistence on having his questions answered or his impudence for insisting that Jesus not only appear to him but allow him to place his hands into the wounds in his side before believing in the resurrection of Jesus.

The message over and over again was that, in matters of faith, seeing was not necessarily believing. Jesus himself says, “Do not doubt but believe." And, “Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have come to believe." Well, that’s what John reports Jesus said, and at that particular time.

Doubt, we were oh so very carefully taught, had no part in a life of faith. And then, for some of us we grow up and life happens and our hearts are broken and our very carefully nurtured lives of faith begin to crumble and we begin to doubt the existence of God.

For others of us, when that happens, we choose not to doubt God but ourselves. We believe that somehow, we did something wrong. Or, perhaps, it is the ‘sins of the father being visited upon the son’. Or, ‘somewhere in my youth or childhood’ I must have done something terribly, terribly, awfully wrong.

Or, perhaps, it is someone else’s fault. It will not surprise many of you to hear me say that there are a surprising number of our brothers and sisters in Christ who would say that their faith and belief in God is so strong, that they do not doubt the presence of God’s chastening rod. 

Indeed, these are the ones who strongly believe that the current pandemic we are experiencing is God’s punishment for at least one of the many sins of a “rebellious” society – abortion, divorce, homosexuality, etc. – which is proof that we have doubted the power of God’s wrath and vengeance.

As my friends in the South would to say, “Bless their hearts”. You know, they’re really only living out what they have been so carefully taught - and that would be:  This is Thomas. Thomas has doubts. Don’t be like Thomas. Don’t doubt. Have faith. Just believe (and that would be what I tell you to believe.)

Author Anne Lamott reminds us that you can be fairly certain you have created God in your own image when it turns out that God hates all the same people you do.

You will not be surprised, then, to learn that Thomas is one of my favorite apostles. 

I love it that he always questions. And, I’m fairly certain that Jesus loves him a great deal because he comes back for him. He appears once and Thomas is not there. When the disciples tell Thomas that Jesus has resurrected and returned, Thomas will not believe until he sees it – and feels it – for himself. 

And so, eight days later, Jesus comes back. Just for Thomas. He invites Thomas to see him. And touch him. And feel him. And know him. Turns out, doubt can play an important role in our lives of faith.

Perhaps some of you have seen or read the play or seen the movie, “Doubt”. The author of that play is John Patrick Shanley, and these words preface his work:

 “Doubt requires more courage than conviction does, and more energy; because conviction is a resting place and doubt is infinite – it is a passionate exercise. You may come out of my play uncertain. You may want to be sure. Look down on that feeling. We’ve got to learn to live with a full measure of uncertainty. There is no last word. That’s the silence under the chatter of our time. ”

Shanely also wrote: “Life happens when the tectonic power of your speechless soul breaks through the dead habits of the mind.” 

Let me say that again so you can take it in.

 “Life happens when the tectonic power of your speechless soul breaks through the dead habits of the mind.”

I think that is exactly what happened to Thomas. It took doubt to get him to the point where the tectonic plates of his soul shifted. Indeed, his wonderful profession, “My Lord and my God,” is the clearest declaration of the divinity of Jesus in all of scripture.

I have come to know this in my life: Belief is a choice. Faith is a gift. When I choose to believe, faith is the gift that strengthens my belief.  When we use this gift, when we see life through the eyes of faith, our belief is not only strengthened, it is expanded.

It reminds me of the story told by the woman police officer who found Matthew Shephard's body on the fence there in an open, snowy, barren field in Wyoming, as the AIDS pandemic was raging and the hate-fueled violence of homophobia bubbled just under the surface of our lives.

She said that when she got out of the car, she could see what she thought was a scarecrow tied to the fence. As she looked closer, she saw it was a human body. 

As she looked again, she saw a deer, lying at Matthew's feet. She didn't know how long the deer had been there, but she was clearly there to be with Matthew in his suffering, so he would not suffer alone.  

 

Upon her arrival, the animal looked straight into the officer's eyes and ran away. 

What the officer said about the dear was this: "That was the good Lord, no doubt in my mind." 

I’d say that police officer had a Thomas moment.  

It was just as unlikely for her to see God’s presence in the holy presence of a deer, keeping vigil at the dying body of a young, gay man as for Thomas to see the presence of Jesus in the wounded, resurrected body of Christ. 

So, my friends, in the remaining days of the 50 days of Eastertide I ask you to consider letting your spiritual discipline to be more like Thomas. 

Allow yourself to doubt and allow your doubt give rise to questions; then allow your questions give rise to a spiritual quest to seek and find, to see and feel and touch the Risen Lord for yourself. 

 

In these uncertain days of the pandemic, choose the courage it takes to doubt and to live with uncertainty. Allow yourself to feel the tectonic power of your speechless soul breaking through the dead habits of what you have been so carefully taught to believe. 

 

For that, my friends, is where and how and when you, like Thomas, will understand, not just with your head but in your heart and in your soul, and deep into the depths of your own wounds, the mystery and the glory of new life promised in the resurrection of Christ.

Amen.