Bald Boogie

We knew it was coming, but it was still a shock when we heard the news.

On Tuesday, my beloved Ms. Conroy was diagnosed with alopecia areata.

When her son was six years old, he lost all of his hair. All of it. Eyebrows. Eyelashes. The hair on his arms and legs.

All of it.

He was, initially, devastated. Then, he (so much like his mother) took the high road, landmarked by ironic Irish humor, and began to call himself, "Elmer Fudd" and then "Mr. Clean."

Adolescence was not easy, but then again, it never is. His God-given self confidence and wonderful sense of humor provided a pathway for his sanity, if not his salvation. Now a grown man with an amazing wife and two beautiful children, he's Mr. Cool. Bald heads on men are now all the rage.

Barbara's mother had wispy thin hair at her death at age 51. Barbara's memory of her maternal grandmother was the same. But, her father had a lustrous, thick mane of hair, which began to gray prematurely in his late 30's.

Since Barbara favors her father in looks and stature and has had thick gray hair since her 30's, we assumed (and hoped against hope) that she had avoided the plunge into that end of the maternal gene pool - at least in terms of her hair.

Alas. 'Twas not to be so.

She has been loosing hair slowly over the past six weeks. In the past two weeks, her hair has been coming out in large, disconcerting handfuls. We've been picking up patches of it from the bathroom floor, her pillow, the back of the chair, and her blouse, sweater and coat.

"Damn!" she said. "And I've been working so hard these past two years to look good." And, she has.

Two years ago in May, she underwent lapband surgery. She has lost 125 pounds and looks absolutely fabulous. She has more energy than ever and while she will always be a true pessimist (which is why I trust her implicitly), her normal "Northern Irish" glum outlook on life has become decidedly brighter.

(I once got her a T-shirt for St. Paddy's day with this quote, taken from William Butler Yeats: “Being Irish, I have an abiding sense of tragedy, which sustains me through temporary periods of joy.'”)

Ironically, her weight loss was probably was the 'stress trigger' to her hair loss.

Sometimes life is just not fair, you know?

Unfortunately, the bald, beautiful heads of Sineah O'Connor, Grace Slick and Iman just don't cut it with our Ms. Conroy.

So, we've been looking at turbans and scarfs and caps. Have you seen pictures of Leontine Price and Eryka Badu? They are HOT in their turbans. I've bought her a few cotton caps and pulled out all my colorful scarfs. We've been having a real fashion show. Indeed, I ordered a turban for myself to wear in solidarity with her.

But, tonight, Ms. Conroy asked me to cut off the rest of her hair. She said it was too stressful to keep pulling out large handfuls of hair and thought it might be a bit easier if her hair were shorter.

My hands are still shaking. I am no beautician and she refused to go to a Hair Salon. I couldn't blame her. I had no idea what I was doing, but you know, it doesn't look half bad. Cute, in an athletic sort of way, and if a 58 year old highly intelligent, competent, professional woman can be described as "cute."

Okay, it's not cancer. She's not losing her hair because of chemotherapy AND dealing with a diagnosis with terminal implications. We are very, very blessed.

Still, a woman's hair is, well, a woman's hair. It's a sign and symbol of her sensuality and sexuality. Remember how shocking it was for the apostles to witness the woman at The Last Supper, anointing Jesus with expensive oil and wiping his feet with her hair? Well, there was a reason they got upset - and the complaints of Judas to the contrary, it wasn't just because the oil was expensive.

Oh, we'll survive. We'll even laugh about it, one day. The way we laugh about so many other things that have happened in our lives. So many other losses. So many other insults to our integrity.

Last night she said, "Gee, once all my hair is gone, I hope I at least have a nice-shaped head. You know, not like Louie Crew. He has this flat part to the back of his head . . ." and then she put her hand on that part of her head and as she took in the shape of her head with the palm of her hand, her face suddenly fell.

I immediately went over and put my hand on the back of her head and confirmed for her what she already knew: She has Louie-Crew-head.

"Just don't stand next to him and it won't look so bad," I offered. She started to giggle and asked, "Do you think people will think we're related?"

"Only if you start to talk with a Southern drawl," I said, as we giggled and laughed, making jokes about she and Louie having been separated at birth. It was a wonderful, light-hearted moment in a time that has been marked by an abiding sense of sadness and loss.

Tanzania? Spanzania! Schism? Schmism! Right now, tonight, the woman with whom I have shared the past 30 years of my life is hurting. All the rest? Details, at best. A less than entertaining distraction, at the very least.

If you or someone you know suffers from alopecia areata, you may find this website from the National Alopecia Areata Foundation helpful

The above picture, entitled, "Bald Boogie" is there. I love the fact that everyone is smiling and having a grand time. We'll get there one day soon.

But tonight, well, not so much.

Here's part of the information you'll find at the NAAF website.

Alopecia areata (al-oh-PEE-shah air-ee-AH-tah) is a highly unpredictable, autoimmune skin disease resulting in the loss of hair on the scalp and elsewhere on the body. This common but very challenging and capricious disease affects approximately 1.7 percent of the population overall, including more than 5 million people in the United States alone. Due to the fact that much of the public is still not familiar with alopecia areata, the disease can have a profound impact on one's life and functional status, both at work and at school.

In alopecia areata, the affected hair follicles are mistakenly attacked by a person's own immune system (white blood cells), resulting in the arrest of the hair growth stage. Alopecia areata usually starts with one or more small, round, smooth bald patches on the scalp and can progress to total scalp hair loss (alopecia totalis) or complete body hair loss (alopecia universalis).

Alopecia areata occurs in males and females of all ages and races; however, onset most often begins in childhood and can be psychologically devastating. Although not life-threatening, alopecia areata is most certainly life-altering, and its sudden onset, recurrent episodes, and unpredictable course have a profound psychological impact on the lives of those disrupted by this disease.

Is alopecia areata hereditary?

Yes, heredity plays a role. In one out of five persons with alopecia areata, someone else in the family also has it. Those who develop alopecia areata for the first time after the age of thirty years have less likelihood that another family member will have it. Those who develop their first patch of alopecia areata before the age of thirty have a higher possibility that other family members will also have it.

Alopecia areata often occurs in families whose members have had asthma, hay fever, atopic eczema, or other autoimmune diseases such as thyroid disease, early-onset diabetes, rheumatoid arthritis, lupus erythematosus, vitiligo, pernicious anemia, or Addison's disease.