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Friday, May 04, 2007

The Incredible, Amazing, But Nonetheless Shrinking American Family

Well, I was outside doing some long-postponed yard work and when I came in, there was an interesting post over at HOB/D (House of Bishops and Deputies Listserve).

Here it is, in part, from "John."

One of the problems we encounter when we look at the current state of our culture, and more particularly our church, is that we all tend to be subject to the bias caused by our own finite mortality, and most people's unwillingness to look backwards more than a few years.

If the church is ever to recover its original vitality and creativity it has to recognize the causes of its current shrinkage and decline. Of course there are many contributing factors, but I would suggest that the primary cause is our precipitously declining birth rate, as demonstrated by our rapidly aging congregations, and the shrinking size of the average family.

What are the causes of this shrinkage? I would suggest the following ten for starters:-

1. The steady rise since World War II of militant feminism.
2. The denigration and diminishment of Motherhood.
3. The glorification of feminist "Careers".
4. The invention of pre-coital and post-coital "Pills".
5. The postponement of marriage, thereby greatly reducing the child-bearing years.
6. The cult of abortion on demand.
7. The promulgation and encouragement of lesbian and gay lifestyles.
8. The tsunami of easy divorce.
9. The vilification and slander of masculine heroes of the past and the diminishment of Fatherhood.
10. The elevation of sex for its own sake as the supreme life value.

All of these elements, beloved by the extreme radicals, combine to form a devastating and ultimately terminal suicide potion for the races, groups and churches who promote such values. These are all values supported and encouraged to varying degrees by the liberal bishops and laity who now control the Episcopal Church.

Yes, he is for real. His posts are sporadic, always from way out of the farthest right corner of right field. He always works himself into quite a lather about the decline of the society, which is always the fault of feminism (usually modified by the words 'militant' or 'strident' so as not to insult, I suppose), when it's not directly related to liberalism, homosexuality, Darwinism and Marx.

I've learned that a little bit of levity goes a long way in maintaining my sanity with John's posts. To wit - My response:

John ******, you never disappoint. You are nothing if not predictable - although, I do admit to being mildly surprised (if not slightly amused) that I didn't see any mention of either Darwin or Marx in your list.

Now, to your list. Well, it did cause me to consider my own top ten. It was actually a wonderfully entertaining exercise, after spending most of the day working on the rectory yard and garden on my so-called day off.

(In case it's not immediately obvious, unlike John's list, much of this one was written with my tongue firmly planted in the side of my cheek.)

The Top Ten Reasons for the Incredible, Amazing but nonetheless Shrinking American Family

1. The rescue and stabilization of the American economy and workforce by women, beginning with those like "Rosie the Riveter" during WWII.

2. The continued rise of women in the workforce due to the increased need for cheap labor (to wit: Women still make 69 cents for every dollar a man makes. It's much lower in the church).

3. The increased awareness of the need for population control as a means of providing for a more equal distribution of the earth's resources as well as a deterrent to the pollution of the environment.

4. The use of science to prevent pregnancy as a way to assist with the overwhelming economic burden of large families as well as to support the historical and traditional male impulse for irresponsible sexual activity - in and outside of the bonds of marriage.

5. The increased use of medical intervention to eliminate or substantially reduce the burden placed on men to support unwanted children, as well as substantially reducing the epidemic of single motherhood.

6. The increased recognition of and appreciation for the natural intelligence and skill sets of women, leading to an expansion of traditional roles beyond, but also including, the nobility of motherhood (See also "multitasking." See also: "heroic behavior.")

7. The progress of medical science and research, leading to the removal of homosexuality as a psychiatric disorder by the APA - many of whom have fast become families for previously unwanted children - many of whom with physical and other disabilities or life threatening diseases like AIDS (who were, of course, begat through unprotected heterosexual intercourse. See #'s 3, 4 and 5 above).

8. The increased awareness of the plague of domestic violence, which began to provide women the opportunity for the unfortunate necessity to leave their homes and seek refuge for their safety and the safety of their children.

9. The increased use of steroids, hormones and antibiotics being fed to cows, cattle and chicken, and the pollution of the earth's oceans, leading to an increase in breast cancer in women and prostate cancer in men of childbearing age, as well as an increased incidence of infertility.

And, last, but certainly not least:

10. The invention of the male undergarment known as the "brief" which gained popularity over the "boxer short," leading to decreased sperm count in men.

Gotta run. Letterman's people are on the phone


Bill said...

Elizabeth, you forgot number 11 which is "John" himself. No woman in her right mind would either marry or have sex with that dolt.

scott said...

Brava, Mother Kaeton!!!

Grandmère Mimi said...

Liza with a Z, I so want to see you on Letterman.

The brief is the best.

But the steroids in the meat. That's not tongue in cheek. That is bad, bad, bad.