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Monday, February 25, 2008

New from Clumber Labs: Kaetonium


Clumber, that Old Barking Dog, has been putting together a new Anglican Periodic Table from 'elements' in Cyberspace.

'Kaetonium' has been discovered and recently added to the table. There's simply no telling how unstable things will be now.

The description hasn't been completed. All of you Anglican chemical types will have to help Clumber finish it. Here's what he's got so far:

Kaetonium is a synthetic chemical element with the symbol Ek and atomic number 96. A radioactive metallic clergy element of the actinide series, kaetonium is produced by bombarding plutonium with alpha particles (Rowanium ions) and was named for Marie Curie (due to her slightly radioactive nature) and her husband Buster Kaeton.

Kaetonium has a unique property in that it’s chemical reactivity with other Anglican Elements seems to change over time. For instance, Kaetonium at one time produced intense and highly flammable reactions with Hostilium, yet in more recent times has shown little to no reactivity, and in fact has been thought to become slightly bonded to Hostilium, although by no means tightly bonded.

A rare earth homolog, kaetonium is somewhat chemically similar to gadolinium but with a more complex crystal structure. Chemically reactive, its metal is slightly pink in color and the element is more electropositive than any of the Standfirmine elements (most trivalent kaetonium compounds are bright pink).

Also, it should be noted that kaetonuium is not related to ketones.

Okay, that’s all I’ve got… it’s up to you to finish the Element description…. and I’m gone again… ta ta.


UPDATE: So - Bill added:

Although found just below and adjacent to Berkelium and Californium on the Periodic Table, Kaetonium is closer in attributes to Thorium, 90 on the table. Like Thorium, Kaetonium is a source of nuclear and ecclesiastic power.

There is probably more untapped energy available for use from thorium and Kaetonium in the minerals of the earth's crust than from combined uranium and fossil fuel sources. Much of the internal heat of the earth has been attributed to Thorium,Uranium and Kaetonium. Much of the internal heat at National Convention is attributed to Kaetonium alone.

When pure, Kaetonium is a silvery white metal which is air-stable and retains its lustre for several months. That luster is noticeably subdued during the Lenten Season when reflection and reconciliation cause the metal to become grey and finally black. Kaetonium oxide has a melting point of 3300°C, the highest of all oxides and is considered fairly thick skinned.

Powdered kaetonium metal is often pyrophoric and should be carefully handled. When heated by hot air in such settings as convention or Lambeth, Kaetonium ignites and burns brilliantly with the pure white light of righteousness.

Whereas Thorium is named for Thor, the Scandinavian god of war, Kaetonium is named for Kaeton, the Iberian goddess of retribution.

4 comments:

Bill said...

Although found just below and adjacent to Berkelium and Californium on the Periodic Table, Kaetonium is closer in attributes to Thorium, 90 on the table. Like Thorium, Kaetonium is a source of nuclear and ecclesiastic power.
There is probably more untapped energy available for use from thorium and Kaetonium in the minerals of the earth's crust than from combined uranium and fossil fuel sources. Much of the internal heat of the earth has been attributed to Thorium,Uranium and Kaetonium. Much of the internal heat at National Convention is attributed to Kaetonium alone.
When pure, Kaetonium is a silvery white metal which is air-stable and retains its lustre for several months. That luster is noticeably subdued during the Lenten Season when reflection and reconciliation cause the metal to become grey and finally black. Kaetonium oxide has a melting point of 3300°C, the highest of all oxides and is considered fairly thick skinned.
Powdered kaetonium metal is often pyrophoric and should be carefully handled. When heated by hot air in such settings as convention or Lambeth, Kaetonium ignites and burns brilliantly with the pure white light of righteousness.
Whereas Thorium is named for Thor, the Scandinavian god of war, Kaetonium is named for Kaeton, the Iberian goddess of retribution.

David Charles Walker said...

Bill or Elizabeth,
I hope you're forwarding that to Clumber so he can expand his entry in the Anglican Periodic Table.

Muthah+ said...

The interesting thing is that Kaetonium is NOT Periodic at all. It is good ALL the time!

Elizabeth Kaeton said...

Awh, shucks, Muthah. You make me blush. This is supposed to make you laugh. DCW - I've sent Bill's addendum to Clumber. All I read there is about Jakeonium. Where are the other entries?