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Wednesday, February 04, 2009

Tic, Tic, Tic . . .+Clumber gets 'ticked off'.

Don't ever try to swim against the mighty tide of justice.

It started innocently enough. Then again, things like this tend to do that.

Over at Barkings of An Old Dog, +Clumber (the wonder dog) has a real talent in his ability to confront with piercing humor the insanity and evil which often lurk at the edges of 'orthodite' theology.

So, when a certain 'orthodite' priest from Binghamton, NY wrote these words . . . . . .

And the answer is the same…because whether we are Anglican or not, the body of Christ is vital to our lives. You see classic Christianity as a threat to your warped and novel view of Anglicanism (and it is). I see revisionism as a tick on the body of Christ (and it is). So here we are. We will be opposed to one another until the truth wins out…as it will.

. . . . . I knew it would only be a very short matter of time before +Clumber, that old wonder dog, would start barking. He isn't the first Canine Bishop in the Anglican Communion for nothing, you know.

I also knew that it would be funny.

And, so it is.

+Clumber has now started a series he barks as - ready? -

"Another Tick in the Wall"

It's brilliant, really. The only way to deal with this kind of insanity and evil is to laugh at it. It won't make it go away, but like confronting bullies on the playground, it will silence them for a while. Sometimes, not long enough, but enough to make it worth the effort - and, have fun laughing at ourselves in the process.

Here's the Roman Catholic Tick in the Wall.

FranIAm commits heresy every time she adds kidney beans to her chili.

Yes, she does. She also thinks a bowl of chili can change your life.

It's all part of her plot to subvert the dominant paradigm. She's now infiltrated the inner core, working as a lowly 'Parish Secretary' by day.

But, by night, we know her as the Blogger Who Will One Day Rule The World.

Except, she'll do it with the subversive trick of unconditional love. You know, just the way Jesus intended. Only, she'll have her dog Gracie by her side.

Here's the Grandmere Mimi-Tick. And, here's a sample of just how dangerous she can be, an example of the praxis of her evil revisionist theology:

"It’s sad that a few spoilers choose to disrupt the blogosphere in this manner, but those of you who engage in this sort of mischief should keep in mind that, although I am an old lady, I am not necessarily an easy mark. I have the makings of a dictator in me. Wounded Bird is my home online, and you must pay me the courtesy of acting here as you would if you visited me in my home."

And, of course, this would be the Evil Lesbian Priestess Tick - the most persistent of them all.

Here's a sample of her dangerous, evil revisionist theology, taken directly from the last sermon posted on her very own blog:

"And, soul by soul, heart by heart, pew by pew, church by church, inch by inch, we will reclaim the world in the name of Jesus, who had absolutely no authority at all."

See what I mean?

These are but three of the many 'Ticks in the Wall' which +Clumber has exposed. Go over and see the entire gallery. You won't be disappointed and you'll recognize many of your revisionist friends.

Who knew we were such a danger to the Body of Christ, leaching off it with our dangerous theology of the radical hospitality and inclusive love of Jesus?

Here's the thing: this poor 'orthodite priest' just let his real agenda slip out. I may not be a systematic theologian or a exegetical genius, but I’m smart enough to have figured this one out.

We have seen this dynamic over and over in the history of the world. Step one is to de-humanize or objectify 'the enemy'. It was the "Vermin Jews" in Germany. The Tutsi "Cockroaches" in Rwanda.

No American soldier every shot an innocent person in war. They were just "Crouts" or "Gooks" or "Towel Heads" - or children of those "things".

No real woman ever got raped. She was 'asking for it' because she was a 'slut' or a 'ho' and anyway, you could tell because she was wearing tight pants or a short skirt.

And, now Sisters and Brothers in Christ, there are "Ticks on the Body of Christ" in the new, non-geographical orthodite province which professes to be 'classical' Anglicanism.

Sort of like 'Coke classic'. We remember how long THAT lasted.

This comes as no surprise. The ‘orthodites’ have been very clear in their desire to exterminate so-called ‘revisionists’ in general and LGBT people in particular from the membership roles of Christianity.

Poor baby. He has no idea that the 'dark rotten mess for a heart and guts' of his uber-Calvinist tendencies are showing. Or, perhaps they are tendencies of a different sort.

What was it Mr. William Shakespeare said? Ah, yes: “I fear the man doth protest too much.”

All in all, it's just another tick in the wall.


+clumber said...

Binghamton... the "P" is not only silent, it isn't even present....

Oh cute, the magic blogger word verification thing for me is "dogio"

FranIAm said...

How grateful I am for this place of tick-y honor thanks to our beloved +Clumber.

Of all the ways that I might choose to reconstitute the Body of Christ, I find this is the most meaningful.

I say we are doing more for Christian unity on our blogs than the "official" efforts are.

We do know that the "official" efforts from my people tend to be more of the "my way or the highway" style.

Not so for me!

Honestly, all my interactions here in blogland, especially the TEC corner, have done more to shape and inform my faith than many other things.

THAT is the Body of Christ re-membered indeed.

David |Dah • veed| said...

Madre, it was NEW Coke that did not last too long. We are all still drinking Classic Coke! Only our Mexican Classic Coke is much better than your Statesonian Classic Coke. Ours is made with cane sugar. Yours is made with corn syrup? ¡Yuck!

Anonymous said...

Elizabeth, I hope you write a book someday. I want to be the first to purchase a copy. Also, your sense of humor is unparalleled. What a great start to the day this post is!

Elizabeth Kaeton said...

Got it, your grace. 'Tis corrected, indeed. You are one clever if not occasionally naughty dawg.

Elizabeth Kaeton said...

Thanks for your visit, FranIAm. You are the BEST.

Elizabeth Kaeton said...

whiteycat - don't blame me, blame Bishop Clumber. He's got the BEST sense of humor.

Hello, Darling Dahveed - actually, the 'Coke Classic' Campaign, at least as I remember it, was touted as being "the real thing". Everytime someone makes that claim - especially at the expense and denigration of others - they lose. Have you noticed.

Elizabeth Kaeton said...

whiteycat - don't blame me, blame Bishop Clumber. He's got the BEST sense of humor.

Hello, Darling Dahveed - actually, the 'Coke Classic' Campaign, at least as I remember it, was touted as being "the real thing". Everytime someone makes that claim - especially at the expense and denigration of others - they lose. Have you noticed.

Anonymous said...

You, Bp. Clumber, the Mad One, Mimi, Fran, etc. make one great community. Love you all!

David |Dah • veed| said...

OK, we are out of my world of experience. Here in Mexico It's the Real Thing is Coke's byline. I am not an expert in Coca Cola's USA advertising campaigns, you may well be right as you remember it.

So, from the Coke Lore portion of Coca Cola's website, I give you The Real Story of New Coke.


Elizabeth Kaeton said...

Dahveed, We're talking "Classic" Coke, vs. "the real thing."

+clumber said...

Good News!

Mimi's running a competition over here... it's to name a body part/parasite/disease that the SF crowd represents if we are all ticks on the Body of Christ... go on, you know you want to enter. I think she has a prize or an award or something. I think it's a bowl of red beans and rice or some Tabasco Sauce.

Fr Craig said...

forget the coke argument - whatta ya mean kidney beans in chili is heresy!! It's not chili without it! Sheesh, right-coasters... (actually, I compromise and use half kidney and half navy)

David |Dah • veed| said...

A peace offering because I am loosing something in the translation on the Coke thingy. Add a mixed salad, some crusty bread, your favorite wine and you have a meal fit for a Queen.

Arroz De Verduras (Vegetarian Paella)
Yield: 4 servings

Ingredients -
2½ cups vegetable broth or chicken broth
Kosher or sea salt
1/8 teaspoon crumbled thread saffron
¼ cup olive oil
½ cup frozen baby lima beans, thawed
8 baby carrots (about 3 ounces), scraped and chopped
8 shiitake mushrooms, brushed clean, stems trimmed, and coarsely chopped
¼ pound green beans, preferably broad flat beans, ends trimmed
2 medium red bell peppers (about ½ pound), cut into ½-inch dice
1 medium zucchini (about 6 ounces), cut into ½-inch cubes
2 garlic cloves, minced
½ cup chopped whole canned tomatoes
1 teaspoon sweet paprika, preferably Spanish smoked
1¼ cups Valencian short grain rice, or Arborio

Directions -
Combine the vegetable broth, salt to taste, and saffron in a pot. Cover and keep warm over low heat. Preheat the oven to 400°F for a gas oven, 450°F for an electric one.

Heat the oil in a paella pan that measures 13 inches across the top. Add the limas, carrots, mushrooms, green beans, peppers, and zucchini and stir-fry over high heat, stirring frequently, for about 10 minutes. Add the garlic and cook for 2 minutes more, then add the tomatoes and paprika and cook over high heat for another minute. Taste for salt (the mixture should be well salted) and pour in the broth. Bring to a boil, add the rice, and boil until the rice is no longer soupy but enough liquid remains to continue cooking the rice, about 10 minutes.

Transfer to the oven and cook, uncovered, until the rice is almost al dente, 10 to 12 minutes in a gas oven, 15 to 20 minutes in an electric one. Remove to a warm spot, cover with foil, and let sit for 5 to 10 minutes, until the rice is cooked to taste. To make the socarrat crust, uncover the paella and return to the stove over medium-high heat. Cook without stirring for about 2 minutes, until a crust of rice forms on the bottom of the pan (be careful not to let it burn). Serve, scraping up the crust with the edge of an inverted metal pancake turner.

Frair John said...

I suppose being a "tick" has it's moments.

And you all make up a much better band of hero's than The Tick and his friends.

Grace said...

Well, Mother Kaeton,

I've been around the blogsphere for a few years, and I still can't wrap my head around this whole thing. I totally affirm orthodoxy, classical Christianity, but I'm also totally affirming of GLBT inclusion in the church.

I can't see that there has to be a contradiction between the two at all. To be honest, I'm still not sure what "revisionist," even means at this point. It doesn't sound like me. A tick??? Jesus Christ is my Savior, and Lord.

As far as I'm concerned, the priest from N.Y. is my brother in Christ. I don't get why, if we agree concerning the gospel, and the essentials of Christian faith, this just can't be enough.

I've tried to discuss this with folks over at places like "Stand Firm," and while everyone has generally been kind, and respectful, it doesn't seem like we're able to talk this through together, and really connect. What to do?

Prayers ascending.

Confused, Grace. :(

Elizabeth Kaeton said...

+Clumber, with all due respect, your grace, I must say, you are a very naughty pup. Clever, but very naughty.

Elizabeth Kaeton said...

Dahveed, darling, what a lovely gift. I have a daughter who is a newbe vegetarian and this looks FANTASTIC. Muchas gratias, darling. I'll let you know how it turns out when I make it.

Elizabeth Kaeton said...

Hey, Friar John, I think we have the best neighborhoods in the blogosphere. Clean - well, except for the occasional saltiness over at OCICBW. Friendly. Great conversation. Prayerful. I love all my Ticky neighbors.

Elizabeth Kaeton said...

Hello, Grace.

I think Jesus must have a very special place in his heart for you. Thanks for stopping by.

Frair John said...


All told a very nice place to be.

Frair John said...

I would also like to say that the thought of any of you guys, and Grandmère Mimi in particular, charging into battle shouting "SPOON!" makes me chuckle.