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Thursday, February 12, 2009

Why buy the entire pig . . . . .?

In case you missed it on 60 Minutes, here is what Andy Rooney thinks about women over 40:

60 Minutes Correspondent Andy Rooney (CBS)

As I grow in age, I value women over 40 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why:

A woman over 40 will never wake you in the middle of the night and ask, 'What are you thinking?' She doesn't care what you think.

If a woman over 40 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do, and it's usually more interesting.

Women over 40 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you if they think they can get away with it.

Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated.

Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 40.

Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 40 is far sexier than her younger counterpart.

Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off if you are a jerk, if you are acting like one. You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her.

Yes, we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed, hot woman over 40, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year old waitress.

Ladies, I apologize.

For all those men who say, 'Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?'

Here's an update for you. Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage.

Why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage!


Jane Priest said...


Lapinbizarre said...

"And as in the Dark all Cats are grey, the Pleasure of Corporal Enjoyment with an old Woman is at least equal and frequently superior; every Knack being by Practice capable by improvement."

Franklin to Rooney - not much change beyond a decline in literacy.

Franklin - 8th & lastly. They are so grateful!

(verification word "devine")

Mary Sue said...

Here I am, soliciting ballroom quotes for my 30th birthday in September, and apparently, according to Andy Rooney, I'm over 40!

Damn, I look good for my age.

Muthah+ said...

Never liked sausage!

suzanne said...

Right there with you Joie! I just love Andy Rooney.

the cajun said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Elizabeth Kaeton said...

I don't like sausage either but I do love Any Rooney.

VTcrone said...

While it is very much in his style, Andy claims NOT to have written the piece.