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Thursday, September 13, 2007

Crisis in Purple: Four More Bishops for CANA

With the announcement from CANA (Convocation of Anglicans in North America) today that four more bishops will be consecrated in 2007 came the deeply troubling report of a serious shortage of purple cloth.

The swatch to the right and above is apparently one of the last few pieces of purple cloth left in the whole of the Anglican Communion. The cloth is need to make the long-desired shirts for the newly-appointed bishops who profess to be orthodox, evangelical, conservative Anglicans.

According to the announcement (see below), the consecrations, which will occur sometime "before the end of 2007" brings to 80 the number of bishops who will serve 60 congregations in 20 American states.

Complicating the matter is the fact that there are two decidedly different and distinct shades of purple which have been traditionally worn by Anglican bishops: the blue-based purple, as seen in the swatch above, and a red-based, more magenta purple.

It is the blue-based purple cloth, long the popular choice among bishops on the more protestant end of the ecclesiastical spectrum, which seems to be in shortage.

The more magenta purple has long been favored among more Anglo-Catholic Bishops.
There are those who would argue that there is a serious downward spiral of decline in the number of bishops at the "higher" end of the Anglican continuum, which might explain the relative abundance of the more magenta-purple cloth.

There are those bishops, however, who simply look FABULOUS in either color, and wear them well and to great effect, appealing to the broad spectrum of people of the Episcopal Church in the Anglican Communion.

"It's the Via Media as a fashion statement," said one reliable source from
IntegrityUSA, who preferred to remain anonymous. "I give it two snaps up! Way up!"

"As a matter of decency, at least two of the four ought to show some restraint and stand down from these appointments," said the anonymous LGBT source. "All these people ever care about is satisfying their own selfish needs and care not one wit for that of the rest of the church."

It is rumored that the consecrations will be protested by a group calling itself, 'Save the Purple Polyesters'. "Thousands of synthetic creatures will be sacrificed to make all those shirts," said a spokesperson. "It's positively criminal."

It is not yet known how CANA will resolve the current "purple crisis". The suggestion that 80 bishops for 60 congregations might be more than enough was sharply dismissed by an anonymous source in CANA.

4 New Bishops Elected to Serve CANA
September 13, 2007

(Herndon, VA) -- The House of Bishops of the Church of Nigeria (Anglican Communion) met in Osogbo, Osun State, Nigeria, on the 12th day of September 2007. They received a report from the Rt. Rev’d Martyn Minns, Missionary Bishop of the Convocation of Anglicans in North America (CANA), a missionary initiative of the Church of Nigeria in the USA. Acknowledging the significant growth of CANA that is taking place in the USA, the House of Bishops considered a request for additional bishops to further the work of CANA and the extension of God’s Kingdom.

After the meeting, the Primate, the Most Rev’d Peter J. Akinola, announced the election of four suffragan bishops and appointed them to serve in the USA. The bishops-elect are the Rev’d Canon Roger Ames (Akron, OH), the Rev’d Canon David Anderson (Atlanta, GA), the Ven. Amos Fagbamiye (Indianapolis, IN), and the Rev’d Canon Nathan Kanu (Oklahoma City, OK). The consecrations will take place in the USA before the end of 2007, at a date and place yet to be determined. These four bishops-elect will join Missionary Bishop Martyn Minns and Suffragan Bishop David Bena in providing an indigenous ecclesiastical structure for faithful Anglicans in this country.

CANA currently consists of approximately 60 congregations and 80 clergy in 20 states. About a quarter of the congregations are primarily expatriate Nigerians. CANA was established in 2005 to provide a means by which Anglicans living in the USA, who were alienated by the actions and decisions of The Episcopal Church, could continue to live out their faith without compromising their core convictions. CANA is part of the Common Cause partnership that includes representatives of more than 250 Anglican congregations that are connected to the rest of the Anglican Communion, a worldwide fellowship of some 70 million, through various pastoral and missionary initiatives.

For more information, please visit CANA at

There are 80 CLERGY in CANA. However, "The Bullies" are reporting the following number of "orthodox" bishops:

Bishop Bill Atwood
Bishop Bill Murdoch

Bishop Andy Fairfield
Bishop John Guernsey

Bishop Charles Hurt (Chuck) Murphy, III
Bishop John Hewitt Rodgers, Jr.(Retired)
Bishop Alexander Maury (Sandy) Greene
Bishop Thomas William (TJ) Johnston, Jr.
Bishop Thad Barnum
Bishop Elect Terrell Glenn
Bishop Elect Philip Jones
Bishop Elect John Miller

Bishop Martyn Minns:
Bishop Dr. David J. Bena
Bishop Ben Kwashi (called to Archbishop of the Province of Jos)
Bishop Elect Roger Ames
Bishop Elect David Anderson
Bishop Elect Amos Fagbamiye
Bishop Elect Nathan Kanu

(Also apart of International Convocation (ICON) is Southern Cone - Bishop Bill Cox)

The reports of shortages of purple cloth are still accurate.


Jeffri said...

ROFLMAO, Elizabeth. A much needed laugh in the midst of the madness.



Remember when "plastics" was the investment du jour for Dustin Hoffman in "The Graduate?"

Now it would be "Purple Fabric Futures!"

Bill said...

You speak of the plight of the "purple polyesters" but what of the Naugas. A species driven to the point of extinction. How many of the harmless creatures are killed each year for their skin in the production of naugahyde products. I weep in despair.

Jim said...

And let us not forget the endangered Acrylics sacrificed for all the foo-foo on the pointy hats!


BooCat said...

Where can I sign up for the "Save the Purple Polyesters?" Are there tee-shirts? Bumper stickers? Please, do tell!

Ann said...

Scott at Inclusive Church sees the hand behind the purple crisis.

PseudoPiskie said...

What about the garden shovels used for those pointy hats?