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Tuesday, March 03, 2009

If you've ever known and loved an engineer . . . . . . .


. . . . . . . you are bound to love ONE of these jokes.

Hat tip to Doug and special hugs to my dear friend Jack.

Understanding Engineers - Take One

Two engineering students were walking across a university campus when one said, 'Where did you get such a great bike?'

The second engineer replied, 'Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, 'Take what you want.'

The second engineer nodded approvingly and said, 'Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fitted you anyway.'

Understanding Engineers - Take Two

To the optimist, the glass is half full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Understanding Engineers - Take Three

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.

The engineer fumed, 'What's with those blokes? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!'

The doctor chimed in, 'I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!'

The priest said, 'Here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him.'

He said, 'Hello, George! what's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?'

The greens keeper replied, 'Oh, yes. That's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime.'

The group fell silent for a moment.

The priest said, 'That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.'

The doctor said, 'Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them.'

The engineer said, 'Why can't they play at night?'

Understanding Engineers - Take Four

What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons and civil engineers build targets.

Understanding Engineers - Take Five

The graduate with a science degree asks, 'Why does it work?'
The graduate with an engineering degree asks, 'How does it work?'
The graduate with an accounting degree asks, 'How much will it cost?'
The graduate with an arts degree asks, 'Do you want fries with that?'

Understanding Engineers - Take Six

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body.

One said, 'It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints.'

Another said, 'No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections. '

The last one said, 'No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer.

Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area ?'


Understanding Engineers - Take Seven

Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.


Understanding Engineers - Take Eight

An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, 'If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess.'

He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, 'If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week.'

The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned It to the pocket.

The frog then cried out, 'If you kiss me and turn me back into a Princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you want.'

Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, 'What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want.. Why won't you kiss me?'

The engineer said, 'Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool.'

10 comments:

Sara said...

Bad Doug, again!

Sara the Engineer

whiteycat said...

These are GREAT! Go, Doug!

Lauralew said...

Funny, and true! Gotta pass these along to Only Son, who is a mechanical engineer. Thanks!

Göran Koch-Swahne said...

Not bad on the whole!


... but I miss the one about the engineer (any kind) strewing his instrument box over the floor, using one thing to fix whatever, and leaving the rest on the floor...

(observation from life ;=)

Frair John said...

That Pic is from World of Warcraft.
I'm an Engineer in the game and ... well ... I think I may have just said to much ...

Kirkepiscatoid said...

Excellent!

Take Eight has a golf version, too...

An old man was outon the golf course one day, when a frog called out to him and said, 'If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess.'

He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his golf bag.

When the man got up to his ball, the frog said, "Ribbit. Seven iron."

"You sure?" The old man said. I can usually get on with an 8 iron here."

Again, the frog said, "Ribbit. Seven iron. Too windy."

So the old man hit a 7 iron, and sure enough, the ball came to rest six feet from the cup.

When he got to the green, the frog said, "Ribbit. Cup width to the left." All of a sudden, the old man noticed there WAS a break on the green he had not seen, he took the frog's advice, and drained the putt.

The frog spoke up again and said, 'Ribbit! I told you, if you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week.'

The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned It to the pocket.

The frog then cried out, 'If you kiss me and turn me back into a Princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you want.'

Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back in his golf bag. When they got to the next tee, the old man pulled out his driver and the frog said, "Ribbit. Five wood. Better apporach shot from short and inside the dog leg."

So the man hit a five wood, and sure enough, he was in perfect position to hit his approach and was not up against the tree line on the other side of the fairway like usual.

Finally, the frog asked, 'What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want.. Why won't you kiss me? Don't you GET IT?'

The old man said, 'No, YOU don't get it. At my age, I'd rather have a frog that can caddy!'

Elizabeth Kaeton said...

Oh, I'm so glad these hit a cord of recognition. My friend Jack is an engineer. He's rapidly approaching 80 but you'd never know it. He also has prostate cancer with mets to the bone - but, you'd never know it. He also has the BEST sense of humor - very dry. Very logical/illogical catch you up short sort of stuff. He comes to church every Wednesday for 7AM Mass and then we all go out to breakfast at the local diner (Yes, in Chatham. Greek family. It's the one true thing on Main Street). Jack never fails to make me laugh. Often, before 8 o'clock in the morning. No small miracle. I adore him.

JCF said...

The graduate with an arts degree asks, 'Do you want fries with that?'

Soooooooo not funny. :-(

JCF: MA, EdD, Unemployed.

Elizabeth Kaeton said...

I have an apron that says, "I have a Master's of Divinity. You want fries with that?"

So true. And, not so funny.

StrPrpn said...

I graduated from a great books college in Santa Fe, NM. We always used to joke that at least we'd be able to say "Do you want fries with that?" in ancient Greek.