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Thursday, May 29, 2008

Okay, I'm nervous

Friday night.

7:05 PM.

Newark Bear's Stadium, Newark, NJ.

Right after the St. Paul's choir sings the National Anthem and the Director of the Choir receives the check from the Manager of the Newark Bears for our fundraising efforts, the rector of The Episcopal Church of St. Paul, Chatham, (that would be moi) gets to throw the opening pitch.

I've been practicing for two weeks.

There was a pitching clinic at the church two Sundays ago. It was raining so we moved our location from the ball field outside the church parking lot to the Parish Hall.

My junior warden (bless his heart), squatted down with the glove in front of his chest. Pointing at his nose, he kept repeating, "Aim the ball right here. Don't listen to them. Aim the ball right here."

Meanwhile, a whole host of men who absolutely have my best interest at heart kept yelling out their best advice.

"Hold the ball with three fingers and your thumb."

"Don't push it, throw it."

"Put a little spit on your fingers."

Meanwhile, my junior warden (bless his heart) kept saying, "Don't listen to them. Look at me." Pointing to his nose, he kept repeating, "Aim the ball right here."

So, I took his advice. And, by George, I'm actually getting pretty good.

I never hit his nose, but I threw the ball 36 feet with power, speed and (thanks be to God), accuracy.

And, I didn't break a window.

It's 60 feet from the pitcher's mound to the batter's plate.

I'm more than half way there.

And, even Ms. Conroy says that my form is damn near perfect.

That's because I've been watching Pedro Martinez.

Okay, okay. So, now he's pitching for the Mets.

At least it's not the Yankees.

Pray for me, a sinner.

(Sorry. All the tickets are sold out. You'll have to watch it on C-span.)

P.S. If you want information about a really fun and easy way to make money for one of your church's ministries, don't hesitate to call.


Kirkepiscatoid said...

You'll do fine!

Hey, if you want, call my vicar for moral support. He had a 96 mph fastball once upon a time, but then years later had to do the same schtick that you were doing when he was at the parish he was at before coming here. He told me he was way more nervous about the first pitch thing than he was in his days as a "real pitcher."

David said...

Go to it Sister!
And will Ms. Conroy be providing this space with pictures of her beloved 'stepping up to the mound' and doing the whole Anglican Communion proud?

You know we're going to want to hear all about it!


Bill said...

The question I have is: will Elizabeth be wearing crocs?

Elizabeth Kaeton said...

Crocs? To the ball game for my 'big debut'? ABSOLUTELY NOT!

Like David said: I don't want to be an embarrassment to the Anglican Communion - well, more than I already am. I do believe wearing Crocs other than to the beach or around the house or to muck the horse stalls is a sin against the Holy Spirit.

I shudder to think what the fashion angels in heaven will do with those who have committed so grave a sin.

Ms. Conroy, on the other hand, has absolutely fearless fashion sense (using the term loosely, of course.)

Lisa Fox said...

Oh, how I wish I could be there!

DaYouthGuy said...

You're doing it right. a little practice and you'll get a great ovation from the crowd.

Last time I did that I was a DJ with the local radio station. I (the morning guy) and my buddy the afternoon guy threw them at the same time. He wanted to show off and bounced it in the dirt. I just wanted to not embarrass myself and threw a strike.

Here's what you want to avoid:

That's world class athlete Carl Lewis throwing out a first pitch. We should eliminate the phrase "throws like a girl" and replace it with "throws like Carl Lewis"

You're ALREADY throwing it farther than he did!

We definitely need pictures though


David said...

Excuuuse me?
Did I even suggest the outside possibility of a blush, never mind embrassment to the Communion or to Herself?
On the outside chance of my being misunderstood, let me state I have unqualified confidence in the pitching arm of our radiant sister from St. Paul's. (her introduction of 'embarasment into the conversation, only a instinctual flash of old dualistic theology).
But then I am a Canadian with absolutely no interest in baseball, so what do I know? LOL

As to Bill's on-going ... interest in crocs- write a poem Bill!
(Bill's a quite seriously talented poet- but then you already knew that, didn't you)


Frair John said...

You Go!

Stay focused and calm and you will do fine.

Crocs are lousy for the form I'm sure anyway.

Lindy said...

I wonder if Crocks might not be the next communion dividing issue. At least it would be a change...

Good luck with the baseball. You'll do great and, perhaps more important, you'll look great doing it.


Ann said...

Sorry I can't be there to coach you -- our grandma tutored grandson had 4 innings - 1 hit, no runs.

The Newark Bears said...

You did a great job last night! The Bears lost - all scores are posted on our officail website -

Lisa Fox said...

We're waiting for a report, dear sister!