In Pectore: "Homeless Baby Province Denied Legitimate Anglican Birth Certificate"

Here at Telling Secrets, we spare absolutely no expense to get you the late-breaking news of the happenings in the World Wide Anglican Communion.

The much anticipated meeting between the five GAFCON (Global Anglican Future Conference) primates of Nigeria, Rwanda, Uganda, Kenya and Southern Cone and the Archbishop of Canterbury took place today in the Cathedral, fast on the heels of the announcement in Wheaton, IL of the newly formed, non-geographical so-called 'Anglican' province.

Sensing the historic significance of this event, we spared no expense and sent Padre Mickey, our crack neighborhood photographer, to take some snaps of the momentous occasion.

I think our money was well spent, don't you?

We have also been waiting for a report from "Our Ruth with the Inside Anglican Scoop" - who, BTW, looked pretty smashing in the outfit she favoured whilst at Lambeth this past August: a white summer, shelfless T (no bra) and a white full skirt which hung low on her hips, revealing an ever so slight peak at her firm abs but not so brazen as to reveal her navel, and a pair of very bare but beautifully ornamented sandals and her nicely pedicured feet. Whenever she strode into the Press Room at 3 minutes to start time, assured and confident of her seat in the front row right, you could hear the slight rush of the stale, hot August air in that small, non-air conditioned room as every male (and not a few lesbians) turned their heads to have a gander.

Many of those on the right side of the aisle have long been struggling hard to suppress their anticipation and excitement that the primates would emerge from today's meeting with a legitimate birth certificate for the "Homeless Baby Province" (HBP).

Not so, says Our Ruth (Gledhill, of The Times, UK) if you haven't figured it out yet). You can find her report here.

The headline reads: Canterbury summit: Nothing happened.

Okay, everyone take a moment to gasp, clutch your pearls with your left hand and fan yourself with your right. You may mop your brow, if needed and as appropriate. I've provided tissues in anticipation of your shock and horror.

She goes on to say: "Well I suppose that headline is not quite accurate. The mother church of the Anglican Communion, Canterbury Cathedral, today welcomed into her stable the five Gafcon primates from the South and the Archbishop of Canterbury, Dr Rowan Williams, who they had travelled from afar to see. They bore gifts of frank discussion, gold-standard Christianity and little in the way of mirth. They were there to mark a new birth in the North, a province. Question marks hang like shepherds' crooks over its legitimacy, and probably will continue to do so for another 2,000 years or so, if it is not forgotten by then. But stranger things have happened."

Our Ruth certainly knows how to turn a phrase, doesn't she?

So what really took place that day not so long ago?

Here she gets to the real substance of the story:

"The five primates of Nigeria, Rwanda, Uganda, Kenya and Southern Cone met with the Archbishop of Canterbury in the cathedral. They prayed, started talking at 10am, prayed, had lunch, prayed, carried on talking, prayed again and finished mid-afternoon. Discussions were pretty frank and they went over everything, from Lambeth 1:10, through 2003 to the present day. No-one blinked."

Well, and there it is, then.

Hey, give the girl a break, you know? Silk purses out of sow's ears and all that.

Meanwhile, the birth of the "Homeless Baby Province" is already causing sleepless nights for a few of the uber-orthodox folks.

Executive Director of the American Anglican Council, David Anderson, former priest in The Episcopal Diocese of LA and newly ordained bishop in . . oh dear, I've forgotten . . . somewhere that has absolutely nothing to do with TEC . . .has issued a statement about the 'problem' some folk are having with their membership.

You can find the full statement in all of the usual angry uber-Christian places, but here's the key paragraph:

"Because some TEC bishops are hostile to members or congregations joining or remaining a part of the AAC because of our clear stand against the increasing heterodoxy of the Episcopal Church, a new type of membership is available, called "In Pectore," which means in the heart. It will be an unpublished list of members who individually know that they are members, and we know that they are, but no one else but God knows that. This list will be treated as Top Sacred, realizing the danger that is present in TEC for the orthodox today in many dioceses."

Top Sacred.

What was the poor man to do? He had to try and keep the "Pure Christians" away from all the girl and queer cooties over in TEC - while still plotting the revolution, of course.

You know, you just can't make up this stuff.

I don't know about you, but I'm ready for some Good News, arent' you? So, meanwhile, over in the Diocese of Quincy comes this newsflash:

"Members of the Cathedral parish of the Diocese of Quincy voted Thursday night to not be “realigned” or “removed” to the Anglican province of the Southern Cone in a 181 to 35 vote. The vote to stay within The Episcopal Church dwarfs the 54 layperson votes cast at the recent Synod of the Diocese of Quincy that purported to remove the Diocese from The Episcopal Church.

"The Very Reverend Bob Dedmon, Dean of the Cathedral parish said after the Cathedral parish vote, “This vote demonstrates that when people have an opportunity to study the facts they realize that the information disseminated by the ultra-conservative leadership of the Diocese was misleading. Now this parish must get on with our Christian mission and ministry.”


Let's just call this thing exactly what it is, shall we?

It's a schism. It's done. Over. Kaput. They've left. God Bless 'em. May they live long and prosper the Gospel of Jesus Christ to the honor and glory of God.

Now, can we just get on with the work Christ Jesus has given US to do?

Good night and Good Luck.