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Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Grand Tufti of OCICBW named Visiting Scholar

Word has been received that Jonathan MadPriest, Grand Tufti of the Most Holy Order of OCICBW, has been appointed 'Visiting Scholar' at General Theological Seminary in NYC.

Long considered the world's ranking scholar on the origins and practice of ribald, outrageous, racy Christian humor, MadPriest has a special concentration in rapier wit. He is also widely known to have the most eclectic taste in music of anyone on the planet.

When contacted by ENS, MadPriest was quoted as saying, "This is a distinctive honour, but I will have to turn it down. Alas, I have a wretched fear of flying."

Novelist Erica Jong was dispatched straightaway to St. Francis Anglican Church in New Castle upon Tyne, where MadPriest is Vicar to persuade him to take the position as a "Long Distance Visiting Scholar." Negotiations are underway to have all courses taught via the Internet.

When contacted, a life-professed member of the Most Holy and Sacred Order of OCICBW, expressed her distress at the news. Sr. June Wounded Bird, OCICBW, said in a most charming Southern lilt, "Oh, this is an honor for the Order, to be sure, but simply terrible for Western Christianity. I mean, do you understand that he will be impacting an entire generation of Episcopal Priests?"

"Oh, he's witty, alright," she continued, "but, the man has no moral fiber - not one shred in his entire body. Not only has he quoted me out of context, he has often reprinted long passages of private conversation without my permission! This is scurrilous!" she said, "Simply scurrilous!"

A man named Brother RevBoy, who described himself as a novice in the order, shook his head sadly and said, "Listen, the man's brilliant. The Anglican Church of England has had him for many years. The Episcopal Church desperately needs him here. Now."

MadPriest commented, "OCICBW will have, I trust, a positive impact on The Episcopal Church, even from long distance and especially at this venerable seminary. It is a thoroughly Anglican order which practices the spiritual discipline of Gracious Anglican Accommodation. The American Evangelicals in TEC desperately need to gain an appreciation of this discipline."

Taking a long drag from his cigarette, MadPriest concluded, "The name of the order contains the thing that is most anathema to many in TEC. Unfortunately, the Modern Anglican Evangelical Orthodox Conservative NEVER admits to even the possibility of being wrong. We'll learn 'em."

Classes are due to begin in the JanTerm.


Jim said...

Maybe we could have, you know, a bake sale or something to fund the Grand Tufti's trip using a fast cruise ship? He could preach on the poop deck on the way, and maybe convert someone!

I would cheerfully back Rowan pie. You know, all crust, no content? When you attempt to sample it, it stabs you -- in the back?

lay brother OCICBW

Jan said...

This is great--thanks

Allen said...

Unfortunately, the Modern Anglican Evangelical Orthodox Conservative NEVER admits to even the possibility of being wrong. We'll learn 'em.

Brava, Elizabeth! Spot on!

Wormwood's Doxy said...

Would Sr. June really use "impacted" as a verb?! The mind reels...

Elizabeth--you look really lovely in those photos.

Elizabeth Kaeton said...


Thanks. You are very dear, but everybody looks better in red.

Lindy said...

You prove that MP is not the only creative genius in this communion. And, I am NOT wrong about that.



johnieb said...

And lovelier in person.