A Sermon preached via Facebook Live
Sirach 26:10 The Headstrong Daughter
September 6, 2020
I can not tell you how many times over the many years I’ve been ordained that I have read this passage from the 18th Chapter of St. Matthew’s Gospel.
I’ve done so in a variety of church settings: the midst of a Vestry meeting as a word of preparation or caution, or between two parishioners – sometimes as part of a marriage counseling session – as a way to resolve conflict and find an avenue of reconciliation and healing.
I confess I’ve also read it over and over again to myself when someone either in the church or in my family has done or said something that hurt or betrayed, or when I – human and flawed and faulted as I am – have said or done something that hurt or betrayed and I’m looking for spiritual guidance and strength as to how to proceed.
The process is simple and sound: First, you approach the person and “point out the fault when the two of you are alone,” says Jesus.
And therein lies the biggest stumbling block to the whole process. Wait! What? Confront someone? The very one who hurt me? Alone? No way! Why? To listen to the inevitable denial? So I can risk being hurt again? Not on your life!
Jesus is a pragmatist. He knows. Because he adds, “If the member listens to you, you have regained that one.” Right! Sometimes, with some people, in some situations, that can be a pretty big “IF”.
Jesus says that, once you have tried that FIRST and it has failed, THEN, “. .. take one or two others along with you, so that every word may be confirmed bythe evidence of two or three witnesses.”
That’s also risky, isn’t it? What if you’ve got it all wrong? What if you misunderstood? What if it really was ‘just all a big misunderstanding’? Now, you’ve embarrassed yourself in front of ‘one or two others’. Now, you are the one who needs to apologize – to the person you accused and in front of ‘one or two others’.
Well, says Jesus, assuming you ARE right and that intervention failed, the next step is to “tell it to the church.” And, if that fails, “if the offender refuses to listen even to the church, let such a one be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.”
Of course, human relationships, especially in times of conflict, can be and often are a bit more complicated and not as cut and dry as the scenario Matthew reports Jesus saying.
I’ve learned that there are many bumps on the Road to Reconciliation and Healing. There are ruts of grievance and potholes of grudges. There are unexpected diversions, sudden stops or delays and surprise detours.
I’m convinced this is why Jesus said that forgiveness must be given seventy times seven. I think he wasn’t saying literally that one must forgive 490 times. I think he was telling us that forgiveness is a long process with many layers, and the Road to Reconciliation and Healing is very long with hills and valleys that are filled with many obstacles and hazards.
In my experience, all of those hazards can be overcome by two things, assuming the apology is authentic.
First, there must be a willingness on the part of the person who has been offended to accept the apology. Fully. No stipulations. No grudges. And second, there must be a willingness on the part of the person who has been offended to accept that they may never get an apology much less an admission of fault.
Sometimes, the person who has been offended needs to be able to say, “Enough!” In the 12 Step Recovery programs, there’s a saying that “Holding onto anger . . . or resentment . . . or not forgiving . . . is like eating rat poison and expecting the other person to die.”
I don’t know if you’ve noticed this but the only petition of the Lord’s Prayer with a condition placed at the conclusion is the one about forgiveness. We pray, “ . . . forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.”
Jesus knew forgiveness would always need special emphasis. I suspect that the need for that emphasis will remain till the Parousia, until Jesus returns.
Here’s what I’ve learned over the years: Sometimes, you have to be done. Not mad. Not upset. Just done.
The business of forgiveness often spills over into the corporate sphere. As I have worked with a variety of church over the years, I’ve come to hear no lack of reasons for the seemingly galloping demise of the church. As the sun continues to set on mainstream Christianity – especially, it seems, Protestantism in the West – there is no want of reasons to account for this.
For Robert Wuthnow, Wade Clark Roof, William McKinney and even our own former Presiding Bishop, Katharine Jefferts Schori, the reason our churches are filled with empty pews is due to “declining birth rates”.
For those enamored of Whoopi Goldberg in the movie “Sister Act,” it’s because our music and liturgy are dull and boring and need to “get with it”. And, our religious organizations are not part of the community much less the effort to improve our neighborhood and the lives of our neighbors.
For Tony Campolo, it’s something he calls “affluenza” (a portmanteau of affluence and influenza), by which he means the negative psychological or behavioral effects of having or pursuing wealth. The priority of having or pursuing wealth, he asserts, defies the essential qualities and purpose of Christianity, which is service to others.
For Martin Marty, it’s simply the modern popularity of “weekend trips”. John Buchanan says that it is lack of “mission” (defined as outreach ministries). Finally, but not exhaustively, it’s Will Willimon who speaks to the modern phenomenon of secular religion, saying simply, “Rotary meets at a more convenient time.”
All of those things may well be true. I take a much more pastoral view and follow the lead of Jesus, especially in this morning’s passage from Matthew’s Gospel. It is, I believe, the lack of forgiveness that belongs at the top of the list.
More than anything else, the unwillingness to perform the difficult task of forgiveness and reconciliation in the love and spirit of Christ is what robs the church of that quality of life which first attracted outsiders. It was that quality of the church’s life that set it uniquely apart from all other attempts at creating community. And, I believe, by the grace of God, it still can.
It is St. Paul, interestingly enough, in this passage from his letter to the church in Rome, who comes closest to the prescription for what ails the church – indeed, what ails our nation as well as individual relationships.
Paul summarizes the second tablet of the 10 Laws Moses took down from the Mountain and emphasizes that it is “love” that fulfills the law. He summarizes Leviticus 19 and reminds us of the final law: “Love your neighbor as yourself.”
It sounds absurd to the modern ear to hear a law commanding us to love. I can hear some asking, “Who can love on command?” Please know that Paul is not talking about sentimental, hormonal or romantic “love.”
The love Paul and the priests of Leviticus are talking about is an act of the will. As N. T. Wright says, this “love will grit its teeth and act as if the emotions were in place, trusting they will follow in good time.”
This love, modeled as it is on the action of God in Christ, is willing to suffer patiently in the unrelenting effort to achieve forgiveness and reconciliation (“Seventy times seven.”). Christians say we believe that cruciform love – love that died on the cross and resurrected for love of us – is both an integral part of Christian community and to the paradoxical power that overcomes the worst impulses of the world.
So the mystery to me is why is it so rarely practiced in the life of the church?
Alas, I don’t have the answer to that question. I have only come to believe that if churches – especially those churches that are literally starving for want of hearing and feeding on the Good News of the Unconditional Love of God in Christ Jesus – were allowed the opportunity to explore their anger and resentment and grief they may well find themselves on the Path to Forgiveness.
This, I believe, will place them their way to the Road to Reconciliation and Healing.
And, once our communities of faith begin to practice and model forgiveness and reconciliation, healing and hope, well, I can’t imagine a better form of evangelism, no matter the birth rate or condition of affluenza, or weekend trips or church music, or what time the Rotary meets.
I’ve discovered that there are two sentences containing three little words that are equal in power when spoken in truth. The first is, ‘I love you.’ And the second is like unto it: ‘You are forgiven.’
Indeed, I don’t think you can say one without saying the other. At least, one makes it easier to say the other.
I love you. You are forgiven. // You are forgiven. I love you.
How different would the world be if we, as individuals, if we, as the church, if we, as a multi-cultural, pluralistic society, said those two three-word sentences more often?
Come to think of it, isn’t that exactly God’s message to us in the life and ministry, the death and resurrection of Jesus?
We are loved. We are forgiven.
So I leave you with this question: What would the world, the life of the church, our own lives be like if we heard and committed spread that message?
Amen.
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