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"If you are a dreamer, come in. If you are a dreamer, a wisher, a liar, a Hope-er, a Pray-er, a Magic Bean buyer; if you're a pretender, come sit by my fire. For we have some flax-golden tales to spin. Come in! Come in!" -- Shel Silverstein

Tuesday, January 06, 2009

What Pets Write in Their Diary


It's silly, I know, but I just couldn't resist. It's amusingly accurate, at least from my experience. A wag of the tail to David C.

Excerpt from a Dog's Diary.....

8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!

9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!

9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!

10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!

12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!

1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!

3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!

5:00 pm - Milk Bones! My favorite thing!

7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!

8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!

11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

Excerpt from a Cat's Diary...



Day 983 of my captivity...

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets.

Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am. Bastards.

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously intellectually challenged.

The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now …

16 comments:

Jon M. Richardson said...

The "dog's diary" sounds oddly like Lenny. But the really strange part is that the "cat's diary" could, on occasion, be mistaken for CoCo... Hmmm...

Scott Hankins said...

Thanks, E. Hi, Jon. Mitts is obsessing about my lap; I attempt to amuse her. Loss is loss, and we just have to find some way to deal with it.

blessings...

Elizabeth Kaeton said...

Hey, Jon. Prayers continue to ascend while you take your GOEs. I know you will do just fine.

And yes, Ms. CoCo is pretty haughty, isn't she? And Lenny, well, he's just my Lenny-Boy.

Scott, I'm not sure what your loss is, my friend, but I know this much to be true: I've never known a better friend in whom to find solace than a furry, four legged creature who sits on your lap.

Prayers ascend.

Scott Hankins said...

E., you haven't been reading my blog. (kind smile) Wiz, son of the one obessessing about my lap, died on 12/19. Nevermind. You posted the essence of it, and I'm grateful.

Elizabeth Kaeton said...

I can hardly keep up with my own blog! I'm sorry. My new resolution - to keep up better with my blog friends.

Scott Hankins said...

:) You're doing just fine as it is, my friend. I'm not complaining about how you use your time. I'm thanking you for how you use your time. Just keep publishing. Make herstory, E., and be content that the rest of us will comment from time to time. Press on; don't look back.

Prairie Soul said...

This is the funniest thing I've read in months--really, because it is so true.

JCF said...

Ah, the humor that is the Anthropomorphised Cat! ;-) [While the Dog is probably Anthropomorphised, too, it sounds SO dang accurate...]

Continuing hugs for you, Scott.

+clumber said...

Reading Telling Secrets! My favorite thing!

susankay said...

Elizabeth -- If you and friends would be interested, I believe this was written by Fran McKendree as song lyrics. He led a retreat for our Durango church. There is a free download available at www.franmckendree.com/store.html

Elizabeth Kaeton said...

Thanks so much, SusanKay. I had no idea it was a song. I'm happy to give credit where credit is due, and to point folks to that link.

Theodora May said...

Sounds like a cat and dog to me. I could be reading my cat,s diary for all I know. On a side note, I have been reading your blog for several years and I do like it.

Grace said...

This is too funny, Mother Kaeton.

Cats are cool, Fr. Scott, but there's nothing like Border Collies to play frisbee, and snuggle. My handsome pup has fur like silk. They're great hiking company too.

Madpriest, and I do have one thing in common. (LOL.) :)

Lauralew said...

This is really funny. I've never had a dog, but the two cats we have now are more like the dog diary than the cat diary. However our old cat, who died a couple of years ago, could have written the cat diary herself.

The Pike County Humane Society, Inc said...

We love this!
May we post this on our blog, of course with a link and full credit back to yours?
Thanks,
The Pike County Humane Society

Elizabeth Kaeton said...

Absolutely.