If you had said to me on the day of my priestly ordination, being the Feast of St. Luke, October 18, 1986, that I would be sitting in a cafe in Lisboa, Portugal, on my 36th Anniversary, enjoying a veloute of vegetable soup, some delicious bread with a choice of fig butter or amazing olive oil, and a glass of vinho verde, I would have laughed right in your face.
If you ask Ms. Conroy, she'd agree with me wholeheartedly.
We were so far in debt with student loans that if we thought about it for too long, one of us would break out in hives.
My salary as a University Chaplin at ULowell, MA was so low that, even with a part-time position of Priest In Charge at St. David's Episcopal Church, just over the border in Salem, NH, to supplement my income, we still qualified for food stamps.
And, the institutional church had not one scintilla of either concern or shame about that. The prevailing attitude was, hey, if you're a woman and you want to be ordained in The Episcopal Church, well, ya gets what ya gets and ya makes the best of what ya gets.
And, be grateful because, well, didn't we try to tell you?
We're all "independent contractors" in TEC, didn't you know? The IRS knows that. Clergy should, too. Better accept it and start acting like it.
Never mind.
There's a wonderful old gospel hymn that goes:
… Well, I wouldn't take nothin' for my journey now
Gotta make it to Heaven somehow
Though the devil tempt me and he tried to turn me around
He's offered everything that's got a name
All the wealth I want and worldly fame
If I could, still I wouldn't take nothin' for my journey now.
The process of discernment and the process of ordination were ones that were clarifying in more ways than the institution likes to define. I got very clear about who I am and who God made me and what God is calling me to be and do and, most often, that had little or nothing to do with the institutional church
There's a little exercise that the Church Deployment Office (CDO), now called the Office of Transitional Ministry (OTM), has clergy do. Well, at least, they used to. Heaven only knows what they do now.
The exercise was that you had to come up with a vision statement for your ordained ministry in one sentence.
I worked a long time on that exercise and, last time I checked, it had not changed. It is this:
"I seek to serve God and the people of God through The Episcopal Church as one who serves as a leader in a community of faith."
That's it. That's been my vision of the gift of ordination into which God has called me.
It's all about service. It's about honoring the priesthood of all believers (the laity) by being part of a community of faith in the ministry of servant leadership.
And, it's about The Episcopal Church as the vehicle of that ministry - not the goal or the purpose or even the point.
Jesus is the point. The body of Christ is the point. Not the institutional church - that's just the vehicle.
That has never changed. Not for me. It's been challenged and tested. It's been questioned and rejected. It's been celebrated and honored. But, it's never changed.
This Camino has provided further clarification and affirmation of my vision statement.
This Camino has provided ample evidence and affirmation that now is the time to do other kinds of servant leadership in other communities of faith.
The universe is calling me to other challenges, other ways of edifying the faith journies of other seekers, Christian and non.
There has never been a more important time to encourage religious curiosity and imagination, a time to appreciate a Theology of the Abundance of God and God's creation, and to move away from the Theology of Scarcity that infects so many congregations and clergy, including (and especially) bishops.
It is a critically important time for intelligent religious discourse that questions assumptions and challenges carefully constructed premises.
I think the problem with the "vitality" of the church is that we don't have enough servant leaders who are willing to take risks for the gospel, because all of the issues with which the church dealt in the 70s - the issues on which I cut my theological teeth - continue to be red-hot items of concern in communities of faith.
And, not too many are willing to take them on.
I thank God for the gift of Hospice Chaplaincy. Every day. Where I get to talk about Really Big Issues of Faith with people who are staring into The Abyss.
I'm also deeply grateful for the gift of being able, now, to be a member of a vibrant community of faith that is not afraid to take some risks for the Gospel of Jesus Christ.
I'm deeply, richly blessed.
Mind you, I have no idea how I got to this place in my vocation. How I got to be so lucky. How I got to be so well-placed. How I have so many opportunities, now, to do good work for Jesus. How I'm more willing to take the risks of the Gospel because the price of not doing it is more than my soul can bear.
I am just so very, very grateful to be where I am at this time in my life and vocation.
So, I'm just going to sit here, at this table, at an outdoor cafe in City Center of Lisboa, Portugal, reflecting some more on the past 36 years and what the future might hold.
The Camino has prepared me well for this next time of discernment.
As one of the verses of that old gospel hymn goes:
… Oh, there's nothin' in this world that'll ever take the place of God's love
All the silver and gold wouldn't buy a touch from above
When the soul needs healin' and I begin to feelin' God's power
Then I can say, thank the Lord, I wouldn't take nothing for my journey now.
Ultreia et suseia!
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